I'm telling you, I kid you not, but my CO will be visiting in a couple months, and I swear I'm going to lay him out on the floor.
Time to get out of there my friend. I think you are reaching the point where your above statement could come true. Better to just walk away from it all. You are wasting your life trying to please them and no matter what you do they willl always want more. You seem worried about how they will view you if stop playing the role you are playing. Who cares? Who needs them? They'll find some poor schlub to take advantage of once you are gone. You may be surprise how quickly they forget about you. Just get out and get on with your life. The longer you stay the more bitter you will become and eventually (and I think pretty soon) you will blow up. Once you take a stand and leave you will be amazed at the weight that is lifted off of your shoulders.
Remember that when you leave the Watchtower you are leaving an organization that is corrupt. You are not leaving the people. It is their decision to leave you. If some of them still choose to be friends with you (don't count on it) fine. That would be nice. If not oh well! That is their choice not yours. We all choice our own paths in life. You really need to get on a path that suits you. The one you are on is destroying you.
Sylvia gave you some very good advice. Please take it!!
I wish you the best.